possible chapter headings

for a book I anticipate writing–the one that I wish had been written . . .

Epilogue

Many years ago, someone told me that she thought my nose was cute. She wondered if the shape of my nose meant that I had some White blood in my birth family. At the time, I seriously considered whether this speculation could possibly be true. I was not offended, but rather, embarrassingly “seen.”

Looking back, I wondered if I remembered the comment accurately. Today, I certainly would never ask the person if she truly said this.

It goes without saying that the person who said this is White. As the only Asian among my White friends at the time, I understand now that being around White people was like a warm blanket of normalcy. Put another way, I unconsciously felt I needed them to remain in society. Without White friends, I would eventually drift off course.

Today, my Korean adopted friends and I enjoy sharing recipes for various jigaes and jeons (pajeon is my favorite), Kdrama recommendations, hangul vocabulary and phrases . . . it helps that Korean culture has become accessible, even annoyingly trendy. Annoyingly, because I can’t say that I have always appreciated Korean culture, that it was a part of my life before it was trendy.

In fact, when others would ask about drama fever (a former source for Korean Dramas) or what I thought about Super Junior (Kpop group)–this was often coming from White adoptive family members–these connections to Korean culture had the energy of sincere attempts that came off as “trying too hard.” At the time, I was deep into the HBO series, “The Wire” and Death Cab for Cutie / Coldplay.

This Super Junior video is an example of a culture I thought was too kauai. Super Junior feels like something a younger brother or sister cherished and I dismissed, but have come to appreciate as part of my heritage. In an awkward attempt to produce evidence that I am not a passenger of the Korean culture bandwagon, I share this video (However, previous posts regarding BTS are evidence to the contrary).

Kdramas have so many orphans . . . so many. This is a trailer to one of my recent favorite Kdramas:

Much like I dismissed Kpop and Kdrama, I was not used to having Asian friends until I was in my 20s. In a recent conversation with a Korean adopted friend, I realized the separate gmail folders I have for “adoptees” and “friends” are an indication that Korean adoptees are unconsciously not quite generic “friends.”

They are somewhere between relatives and friends. This has caused a bit of a misunderstanding as sometimes the length of time having known an adoptee can be shorter than knowing other friends. Yet, many times the connections can be given the weight of family–where the expectation for plans may feel less up in the air and more resolute. Additionally, some adopted friends follow the Korean way of using sibling titles like “Unnie (언니)” or “Noona (누나)” when they feel a closeness.

One of my Korean adopted friends has reminded me several times, “You know, you’re Korean.” I want to laugh this off as an equivalent of, “You are a Spartan!” Okay. So I graduated from Michigan State University. Am I–a Spartan?

However, the more I consider what it means to be Korean, the more I appreciate that I am not drifting off course. I am defining a specific iteration of being 한극사람.

Table of Contents

• Being a daughter
• Being a sister
• Being a deep sleeper
• Being ticklish on the knees
• Being a gaijin (foreigner)
• Being a Christian
• Being adopted
• Being out of control
• Being whiny
• Being a non-cryer
• Being too loud as a morning person
• Being short
• Being a Virginian
• Being a bookworm
• Being a tree climber
• Being a dancer
• Being a piano student
• Being a terrible singer
• Being a Suzuki violin student, briefly
• Being a patient
• Being a friend
• Being a student
• Being a new kid
• Being a cheerleader
• Being an INFJ (Myers-Brigg Type Indicator)
• Being Asian
• Being a fake Korean
• Being an American (US citizen)
• Being a voter
• Being a “Sagittarius”
• Being a (year of the) dog
• Being from New Jersey
• Being a roommate
• Being heartbroken
• Being modest
• Being a driver
• Being a passenger
• Being a commuter
• Being a Californian
• Being a vegan / vegetarian / flexitarian
• Being a teacher
• Being a colleague
• Being an auntie
• Being a home owner
• Being a blogger
• Being a consumer
• Being a 누나
• Being an ex-patriot
• Being a yogi
• Being mono-lingual, but knowing you weren’t at one time
• Being a Michiganian (Michigander)
• Being a member of the BTS Army
• Being misunderstood
• Being a writer
• Being a blogger
• Being an okay singer
• Being tidy
• Being an Enneagram 4
• Being home